I totally enjoyed REAL MARRIAGE by Mark & Grace Driscoll.
I think this book is really well suited to any married Christian couple. To be honest I think it would be of less value if one spouse was unsaved, but undoubtedly there will be nougats of wisdom and insight that will still be of value, but my impression was that it would be of greatest value if both spouses were Christians.
“The principles in this book are more important than the methods. Principles are timeless and unchanging.”
I felt that Mark Driscoll’s honesty and self-reflection was really refreshing as on occasion I had found his teaching quite chauvinistic which I struggled with as I love Driscoll’s teaching, style and forthrightness.
“I grew more chauvinistic. I had never cheated on a girlfriend, but I never had a girlfriend who did not cheat on me. And now I knew that included my own wife. So I started to distrust women in general, including Grace. This affected my tone in preaching for a season, something I will always regret.”
I love that he sees that and has repented yet has still not lost his straight talking edge!
“There is nothing wrong with being a boy, so long as you are a boy. But there is a lot wrong with being a boy when you are supposed to be a man … A lot of guys fight the transition from boy to man because they despise responsibility. Enabling this type of guy are a legion of moms and girlfriends who pay his bills, pick up his mess, lend him their cars, and keep him supplied with alcohol and a steady diet of snacks … I don’t really care if you buy man toys, or if you play video games or rock out on your guitar. The problem is when those are prevalent, predominant, and preeminent in your life. Some of you would argue and say, “It’s not a sin.” No, but some things that are not sinful are still just dumb. If you got fired because you were up trying to get to the next level and become a guild leader, that’s dumb. If you work only one part-time job so you can have more time to play guitar or Frisbee golf, that’s dumb. If you spend all your money on a new car or truck, or toys, or gear, or gambling, or clothes, or fantasy football, that’s dumb. There are a lot of things that Christian guys do that aren’t evil; they’re just dumb and childish and foolish.”
The book is littered with great wisdom, insight and great quotes!
“Husbands and wives who want their marriages to be enduring and endearing must be friends.”“Friendship is an integral part of a truly Christian marriage and a safeguard against emotional adultery.”“Emotional adultery is having as your close friend someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse.”
“The ultimate goal of marriage and family is the glory of God. Only when marriage and family exist for God’s glory—and not to serve as replacement idols—are we able to truly love and be loved. Remember, neither your child nor your husband (or wife) should be who you worship, but instead who you worship with.”
“A husband who is a good head will not abuse, abdicate, abandon, or avoid responsibility.”
“As a general rule, when a man does accept the responsibilities God requires of him as the lovingly humble servant leader of his home, his wife and children flourish. When he does not, the results are not pretty.”
“It takes one sinner to repent, and one victim to forgive, but it takes both to reconcile. Therefore, unless there is both repentance by the sinner and forgiveness by the victim, reconciliation cannot occur, which means the relationship remains continually broken until reconciliation does occur. Forgiveness is the beginning of potential reconciliation but is not in and of itself reconciliation. Forgiveness takes a moment. The trust that reconciliation requires is gained slowly and lost quickly.”“Forgiveness is not neglecting justice … Forgiveness is loving despite sin. Just as God forgives not just undeserving but ill-deserving sinners, we must too. We do not forgive our spouses because they are good or deserving, but rather because God is good and deserving.”“The issue of sexual frequency is a point of pain and contention in many marriages. It is our strong recommendation that if a married couple are going to err, it would be wisest to err on the side of too much rather than too little sex.”“The most important day of your marriage is the last day … Too many couples put their best energies into the first day. The cake, flowers, clothing, and photos have to be perfect. But while a wonderful first day of marriage is important, it’s the last day that really counts.”
“Ladies, sometimes it’s a great gift to go into your husband’s world for a date night by doing something like putting on a jersey, going to a game, and eating a hot dog. His love language may just be hot dog.”
